if i had my druthers

The phrase "if I had my druthers" is an informal expression that means "if I could have things exactly the way I want or prefer." It implies a desire for things to be different or a longing for a personal choice or preference to be fulfilled. The word "druthers" is a colloquial contraction of "I'd rather" and can be used to express a hypothetical scenario where the speaker would have the power or opportunity to decide upon their preference.